


Banking on Love

by wrigglesworth59



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crime, Drama, Magic, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 19:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2037300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrigglesworth59/pseuds/wrigglesworth59
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The best things in life are free but the best way to rob a bank is ... Magic</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**1**

 

 

At one point screaming and yelling became their normal form of communication as she admonished him again and again screaming about responsibility and caution and for him to just ‘STOP IT, MERLIN’ but as he got older and no longer had youth on his side to feign ignorance of his actions the yelling got worse until one day it devolved into them both sobbing, her beating at him uselessly, throwing things and eventually once she had tired herself out and they were both done ‘JUST GET OUT, GO,’ and ‘DON’T COME BACK!’ and heart wrenching inside his chest, ‘PLEASE MERLIN, JUST LEAVE. I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.’

He’d pretty much been doing this his whole life now, the thrill never get old, not since that first time twenty years ago.  He had only been four at the time, he remembers it though, he remembers sitting at the top of the stairs (after sneaking out of bed) hearing his mother on the phone, remembers how she was trying hard not to cry as she all but begged whoever to lend her the money ‘just enough to see us through Christmas’.  Which at the time Merlin had thought odd, after all she could just ask Santa for the money, but hearing his mother cry had made him scared and he wanted to do something, would do anything and that was when it started.

He remembers clearly his mothers face the next day after she came into his room to find him fast asleep, hands clutching tight on his backpack, the shocked gasp as she pulled it from him to find it stuffed with bank notes, his tears as he had haltingly explained what he had done and why, the way that after that first time (only ever after that first time) she had pulled him into a tight warm embrace tears sliding down her own face as she kissed his hair and made promises that she would (ten years later) break.

The irony that all this started as a child’s wish to help out his only parent, the only person in his world who meant anything, and that it cost him his mother’s love was not lost on him.  He had vague hopes of one day making it up with her, he missed her, and yet this was like an addiction, he loved it.  Craved it like those inclined crave the harshest of drugs in their veins and he knew that trying to see his mother, trying to earn her forgiveness or whatever, would not be something that happened any time soon.

Now here he was twenty-four years old, richer than he had any right to be, standing in a bank vault, his eyes flicked around briefly.  Really he had done this so many times now that a brief glance was all he needed pretty much all bank vaults were the same.  He stuffed his rucksack full of bound notes then, with a flash of his eyes, he was gone.

XXXXXXXXXX

His London apartment was large and airy, with double windows in the living room offering views out over Hyde Park, but it was dark when he returned.  This wasn’t a surprise seen as he lived alone, had done ever since... well, ten years and it still hurt like it was only yesterday.  Smile falling from his face as the rush of magic and adrenaline left his system, he conjured a small blue orb so he could see, and made his way to his bedroom, where he collapsed, fully dressed, face first onto his comfortable king size bed, a tired groan escaping his lips.  He was asleep within seconds.

When he awoke, morning sunlight peeking through the gaps of his blinds, he groaned as he stretched, reaching out with one hand to try and catch the ringing phone off his side table, only to remember that said phone was actually in the pocket of his jeans he was still wearing.  Pulling it out, he wasn’t surprised to find the number was ‘unknown’ he didn’t really have any friends after all and his phone was mostly used for work.

“Hello,” He answered sleepily while pulling himself up into a sitting position, his body feeling as rumpled as his clothes looked.

“Hello, is that Mr Emrys?” The voice on the other end was deep and commanding, some-one who was likely used to giving orders and expecting them to be carried out.

“Yes, how can I help you...?” He trailed off, waiting for a name.

“Mr Pendragon.  I was given your number by a business associate.  I own a security software company and I need some-one to head up a new project, it’s rather a larger job than we’ve had to deal with before.  Would you be able to come in for a meeting at Pendragon enterprises?”

“Um, I can do, when would you like me to be there?”

“Say eleven thirty and then if all goes well, we can go for lunch, a little celebration of sorts.”

“Right, okay I’ll see you then.” Merlin hung up and threw his phone aside.  He didn’t normally take on large projects, not just because he didn’t actually need to work, more because he wasn’t good with people and he always held a fear that the longer time period spent around the same people would just be asking for trouble, especially considering the secrets he held, so normally his work projects only lasted a couple of days at most.

This project though sounded as though it may take a while.  It was funny really when he thought about it, he didn’t have a business or even business cards and yet he always seemed to be in high demand with the wealthy, he wonders who it was that first got the word out about his skills with software.

He supposes having a degree from one of London’s most prestigious universities probably helps in matters such as these, Eton boys’ rich club together kind of thing.  He snorted at his own thoughts and pulled himself from his bed and off to the bathroom.

After his shower he sits at his kitchen breakfast bar, a bowl of cereal in front of him going soggy, as he finishes writing a letter.  He sighs as he reads back through it and then folds it pushing it into the envelope that is already home to a bankers draft and a single Polaroid photo.  Merlin doesn’t know if his mother ever gets his letters, if she even lives in their old house, and if she does he doesn’t know if she ever cashes in the bankers drafts, he insures her in every letter that this is his own money (that he earned, working).  He never bothers to send cheques because he does know that the first and only time he sent her a cheque she did not put it in her bank so now he sticks with the banker’s drafts and just hopes that she will use them if she ever needs to.  It helps to ease his conscience, the thought that he is trying to do his best by her, it doesn’t work very well but he’ll take what he can get.

XXXXXXXXXX

Twenty past eleven finds him standing outside a large imposing office block, all grey concrete and tinted windows, dressed in a shirt and some smart black pants wearing the only pair of smart shoes he owns, looking up at the Pendragon sign.  He takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders and makes his way inside.

He instantly wishes he had worn a tie, if he thought the outside was impressive then the inside is even more so, all polished marble flooring and a large cherry wood reception desk, even the girl sat behind it looks formidable with her dark hair pinned back in a bun, wire rimmed glasses and plump red lips.  He swallows nervously, tries in vain to smooth down his hair and makes his way over to her.

“Um, hi,” He swallows again as she looks at him, totally unimpressed like he is the dirt beneath her shoes and merely raises an eyebrow at him, her emerald green eyes feel like they are piercing his very soul and he shifts a little on the balls of his feet, “Um I have an appointment with Mr Pendragon.”

“Which one?” Her voice has a slight Irish lilt to it and he feels himself redden slightly under her unwavering gaze.

“Um, sorry?”

“Ugh, just give me your name.”

“Oh, er, Merlin, I’m Merlin.” He has a moment in his mind to curse his mother as his hand automatically lifts to offer her a hand to shake (which is unsurprisingly completely ignored) and he flushes even more, he must be tomato red by now, and still this intimidating woman is just staring at him like he’s possibly not all there, she twirls her fingers in the universal ‘go on’ gesture, he drops his hand, “Sorry, um, Emrys, Merlin Emrys.”

She types his name into the computer and then informs him he is meeting with Mr UTHER Pendragon, and to make his way to the offices on the top floor.  He thanks her despite the fact that he’s sure she would like nothing better than to crush his bones into dust, before fleeing for the relative safety the lifts provide.

Up fourteen floors and Merlin finally finds himself seated outside Mr Pendragon’s office, and his secretary or PA, whatever, is nowhere near as frightening as the one downstairs but that may just be because he has already decided that she is in fact a troll.  Also it’s very hard to be intimidated by a lady who actually simpered while announcing his arrival to her boss.

“Ah, Mr Emrys, do come in,” Merlin looks up to see a man with greying hair, broad shoulders hidden beneath a well fitted suit that doesn’t quite hide the fact that this man was once strong and impressive.  He is no doubt still impressive though his body is going slightly to seed with age if Merlin can guess.

Entering the office he notes the presence of another man, this one even more impressive, with his soft looking blonde hair, blue eyes and a body still in its prime.  The younger man stands with their entrance and holds a hand out to Merlin.

“Arthur Pendragon.” Arthur states, shaking Merlin’s hand in a firm grip. He can feel a few rough calluses which tell him that Arthur doesn’t spend all his time in an office, which is good to know, he can’t stand those types who seem to live for work and have no life (not that he has much of a life he supposes or well not one he can talk about anyway.)

“Merlin.” They all sit down and ten minutes in Merlin already knows that despite how long this contract will be, he is not going to turn it down.

He tries his hardest not to laugh when he finds out that they wanted him to develop software for one of the major banks’ security systems, but a program that Pendragon enterprises were hoping they could also sell to other banks that may be interested, and Merlin finds it so amusing that he will be designing software in the hopes of preventing him from gaining access to any more bank vaults.  At one point a little gurgle of laughter managed to escape causing both Pendragons to glance at him oddly, before he cleared his throat and apologized, stating nerves as the cause.

He’s not really sure what reason there is to Blondie’s presence.  Blondie, Arthur, doesn’t add any input to the meeting or say anything at all after his brief introduction, merely sits there looking vaguely bored and glancing at his phone a couple of times.

After signing his contract, Uther apologizes that he won’t be able to make lunch as he has a meeting and instead it will just be him and Arthur eating out to celebrate, though Merlin isn’t sure why exactly they need to celebrate his working for them for a few weeks but still he isn’t about to pass up lunch with such a good looking guy, and hopefully there will be alcohol to help alleviate his social awkwardness.

XXXXXXXXXX

“What’s with the receptionist anyway? I thought she was going to decapitate me with a nail file or something?” Merlin asks laughing, he has loosened up somewhat, and doesn’t think he’s doing too badly at this whole conversation lark, thanks to the three double vodka and cokes he has already knocked back (despite telling himself that he needed to pace his drinking they still haven’t even finished their mains yet but still).

He can’t deny that he is having fun and thinks this whole project may just have a few additional benefits if he gets to work with Arthur every day, so far neither of them have made any mention at all to the project and Merlin could quite happily delude himself into pretending that he’s normal and that this is something like a first date.  He knows it’s not though but still there’s no harm in fantasies.  And with the way Blondie keeps flicking his gaze to Merlin’s mouth he’s sure that he could probably get an enjoyable fuck out of him though.

 “Ha, Morgana. She’s a right bitch, luckily though her glare is worse than her bite. You know acts tough but underneath she’s quite the softie, just don’t tell her a told you that.” Arthur offers with a wink and it takes Merlin a moment to remember what it was they were talking about in the first place.

“Right the receptionist.” He mumbles mostly to himself, “Are you two, you know?” He gestures vaguely with his hand, almost knocking over his latest vodka and coke (luckily he catches it and himself before he does something stupid).

Arthur throws Merlin a shocked and disgusted look which Merlin can’t help but laugh at.  It feels good this, sitting, talking and just being able to enjoy some-one’s company.  He doesn’t feel awkward or at a disadvantage he just feels happy.

“God no, she’s really not my type at all.” Arthur’s gaze is still lingering on Merlin’s mouth and it’s this (mixed with the vodka) that Merlin will later blame on what comes out of his mouth, without any permission from his brain.

“So, want to get out of here?” The smile that spreads over his face as Arthur nods probably looks a little ridiculous but still, he’s pulled.

XXXXXXXXXX

As Merlin closes the door to his flat behind them he can’t help but feel slightly self conscious now that they are here, the buzz from earlier has faded slightly on the journey and he’s ridiculously nervous.

“You must do well for yourself this is a nice place you’ve got.” Arthur says after looking around Merlin’s living room.

“Um, yeah thanks. Um so do you want a drink or something, I could use a drink.” He’s already heading off towards the kitchen before Arthur has a chance to answer him, causing Arthur to follow him.

Arthur takes the beer out of his hand not taking his eyes from Merlin’s and leans in, pressing soft lips to his.

The kiss starts out tentatively.  Merlin has only ever kissed one person Freya, which seems daft when the number of people he’s fucked is in double digits though most of those were in bathrooms in clubs or down dark alleyways.

It is actually him who deepens the kiss, licking the seam of Arthurs and gently tugging his lower lip into his mouth.  He lets out a small sigh as Arthur opens to him and he takes his time learning Arthur’s mouth with his tongue, his hand sliding into the soft golden hair and tugging him closer.

Then it’s all deep groans and hands and their fingers skimming over any patch of revealed skin, unbuttoning each other’s shirts as Merlin pushes Arthur backwards towards his bedroom trying to separate them as little as possible.

He pushes Arthur onto his bed and climbs on top of him, mouthing at his neck, nipping the skin there, before whispering hot into his ear, “Want to fuck you.”

“Yes.” Arthur replies and Merlin has a brief moment of delighted surprise before he scrambles off to the side of the bed, rummaging in the side tables draw for supplies, which he throws on the bed within easy reach for later.

He kisses Arthur’s toned stomach, his fingers skimming the waist of his trousers, undoing the belt, buttons, zip before his eyes finally alight on the prize his lips are seeking.  Arthur’s cock is average in length, but it is thick and Merlin knows it will have a nice weight to it in his mouth.

He licks his lips and grips the base then runs his tongue from base to tip, pausing to swirl around the head, before closing his lips fully around the head and sucking him in deep.  He alternates between sucking hard and pulling back slightly to lick along the vein and gather the pre-come leaking from the head.  He reaches out blindly and his hand closes around the tube of lube, pulling off with a pop as he coats his fingers in the clear gel, trailing them back to rub against the soft pucker there.

Arthur gasps softly as Merlin breaches him, going straight for two fingers, twisting and scissoring them as he mouths and gently sucks on the soft skin of his balls.

Merlin doesn’t have much patience left.  Arthur is fucking himself back onto his fingers, and the soft little gasps and bitten of moans coming from him are driving Merlin mad with desire, he can’t wait any longer, he snatches up the condom gives a brief tug on his own long neglected cock before slipping the condom on.  He adds a good dollop of lube, running it all around his cock, grips Arthur’s thighs and lines himself up, pushing in slowly.

They both moan when he finally bottoms out and pauses a moment so they can both acclimatise to the feeling.  Merlin starts moving, probably before Arthur has finished adjusting but he can’t wait any longer, his cock has been hard for a long time whilst being ignored and now it is enveloped in the tight heat of Blondie’s arse, and yeah he has to move.  His thrusts start out slow and languorous as he glories in the feel and enjoying watching his cock slide out and slowly back in until he’s had enough of teasing.

Blondie, Arthur, is whimpering a bit beneath him, his whole body is drawn taught and Merlin can tell that he is close.  He stops watching and speeds up his thrusts, slamming in harder, faster, deeper, over and over until Arthur cries out, hot streams of cum shooting out to cover his stomach.  Whole clenching spasmodically around Merlin’s cock, his hips stutter and he shoves in hard, as deep as he can shouting out his own release.

“Jesus fuck, Blondie.”

After they had both spent a couple of minutes catching their breaths, Arthur reaches over and smacks him lightly round his head.

He turns to glare at him, “What the fuck what was that for?”

“Blondie? Really?” Arthur looks so affronted and Merlin laughs, honest and joyful.  After only a second Arthur bursts out laughing too so Merlin supposes that he didn’t insult him too much.

“Sorry.” Though he’s not and he certainly doesn’t look it, “So... um, is this um well, will this be wierd?”

“Will what be weird?”

“Well um you know working together. I mean um I assume it was you know a one time thing... so...?”

“Merlin, I don’t work at my father’s company.” Arthur turned to face him, his eyes held a soft vulnerable light, “I was rather hoping this could be you know an actual thing. I, well I work erratic hours sometimes but I hope that maybe I could invite you out for dinner, this Friday?”

He nodded shyly, though internally his mind was screaming at him, he’d only ever had that one proper relationship with Freya and that had ended spectacularly badly.  He had always vowed after that to never bother with another relationship, it was easy enough to go on the pull when he wanted sex and other than that he had his hands.  But he couldn’t deny Arthur, not when he was looking at him like that.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no knowledge of computer software (or computers in general) or banks so if you are in either field and notice mistakes I apologize and feel free to let me know... thanks :)

**2**

 

Friday seemed to come both not soon enough and all too soon at the same time, which made no sense whatsoever even in his world of being able to manipulate time like it meant nothing at all, could shred it and warp it to suit his own means. Take now for example, he had currently suspended time as far as his magic could reach (though he had no way of knowing how far this actually was he had once tried to test it and knew that at least the entire British isles was caught in its grasp) as it was already quarter to seven, his date with Arthur was only fifteen minutes away, well it would be if time were relevant, and he still had not decided on what he should wear, and yes he was well aware that it did not really matter but still it seemed important to make a good impression despite the fact they had already had sex.

He took another look around his room at the mess of clothes strewn over every available surface, including the floor, and let his eyes flair gold. A smart pair of darkwash jeans and a navy shirt lifting from the mess to levitate into his outstretched hand, why had he not just done this in the first place? Oh, right nerves, he was unbelievably nervous about the upcoming date and chuckled to himself as one of his stupidest thoughts ever entered his mind...  _'Do I have time for a stiff drink?'_ why yes, Merlin, pretty sure you have all the time in the world, right now he was possibly the only person who _did_ have time!

So once he had finished dressing he made his way to the bar, pouring himself a generous measure of vodka and knocking it back in one. The strong liquor causing him to shudder as it burned down his throat, he tilted the glass contemplating on whether it would be wise to have another or not, yes it would help calm his frayed nerves, but no it would not do to be half cut when arriving for his date.

Placing the empty glass down he headed for the door, stopping briefly to wriggle his feet into his shoes and his shoulders into his jacket, he patted his pockets ensuring he had everything that he needed and left the apartment.

The leisurely walk he took to the restaurant was surreal, to say the least, even though it was not the first time he had walked around while his magic kept a hold on time, it never failed to amaze him as he walked between people who were stopped mid-step, mid-conversation. It was eerie but peaceful and no-one would be any the wiser though he did tend to keep away from stopping time too often, he didn't think that it could be all that good for the balance or whatever.

Still when he came across a young boy who had broken free of his mother's hand, her hand still outstretched towards him, and had one foot in the road the other poised mid-step, a car only yards away he knew there would be no way the driver would be able to stop in time. So he picked the small boy up, moving him back to the pavement and turning him slightly so that when time resumed he would definitely not be stepping into the path of traffic (he would instead be bumping back into his mother) he smiled widely, it was a pretty amazing gift and though no-one would ever know it but him he had saved a child's life and that had to count for something, right?

Just before turning down the street that the restaurant was on he let the magic go, and giggled a little as everyone resumed their lives as though they had not spent the last hour frozen stock-still while he had a minor meltdown.

He enters the restaurant and easily spots blondie, sat at the bar, and makes his way over to him, he's glad he wore something quite casual as a glance around shows him that this is not the right establishment for formal wear, he should probably have checked earlier actually on what this place was like but still he is here now, not over-dressed and on time, plus Arthur is actually here, so he supposes that all in all it's going rather well so far.

"Hey Blondie, can I buy you a drink?" He asks cheekily, his smile growing when Arthur shoots him a glare that is greatly spoiled by the smile that is tugging at his lips.

"Thanks... but I'm waiting for some-one, actually maybe you've seen him, scrawny... over-large ears... thinks he's hilarious..."

"Oi! I am not _scrawny_! And for your information I _am_ hilarious... so there." He sticks his tongue out just for good measure, who would have thought you could get away with acting like a five year old on a date... wonders will never cease, but blondie's shoulders are shaking with laughter and he feels his nerves easing. "So... How about it, another drink?"

"Sure, double whiskey on the rocks, thanks."

He turns away to order the drinks but keeps half an eye on Arthur, he can see him in his peripheral vision checking out his arse and feels his face heat uncomfortably and wishes the barman to go faster. He wants to sit down, needs to get that penetrating gaze off him or well he needs a bloody drink at least before he can think much further.

"Um, so do you want to grab a table?" He gestures round the half empty seating area, "I'll bring the drinks." And breathes a sigh of relief when Arthur moves away from the bar and he can no longer feel his gaze, turning his attention back to the bar where two drinks have been placed in front of him, he quickly hands over a note with a murmur to 'keep the change' and makes his way to the table where Arthur is sitting.

As soon as he sits down he takes a long pull of his drink, downing most of it in just the one long gulp. Feeling a little better he places the glass on the table and licks the residue from his upper lip, finally shifting his gaze to rest on the blonde seated opposite who seems to be staring at him, blue eyes wide with a mixture of concern and desire causing him to shift uncomfortably in his seat until Arthur blinks and lowers his gaze while clearing his throat.

"So..." Arthur starts while just at the same time-

Merlin blurts, "Do you..."

They both blush a little and Merlin giggles stupidly and gestures with vague hand motions for Arthur to go ahead.

After clearing his throat he continues, "I was just wondering how your getting on, at the company?"

"Oh, um yeah, it's going quite well, I think the program will be finished sooner than your father predicted, then it's just a case of getting his usual team trained in working with it and erm, sorry I'm rambling"

"Not at all, it's actually quite interesting, so when did you find you were a computer genius?"

Merlin blushed and looked down, running his fingers idly through the condensation that had built up on the side of his glass, he was saved from having to look at Arthur or answer by the arrival of their waitress, and after they had ordered and she had left his blush had finally receded and he found himself capable of meeting Arthur's eyes once more.

"So ... um, how come you don't work at the company, not that I'm saying you should but..." Merlin quickly finished his drink safe in the knowledge that another was on its way, this question though asked casually enough was something that he had been pondering ever since Arthur had left the other day, he was still ignorant as to what Arthur actually did. "Well you never told me what it is you do?"

At that moment the waitress came back bearing their drinks and Merlin dived on his in his nerves, it didn't seem to matter what he did or told himself whenever he was in the other's presence he couldn't seem to keep his nerves from taking over, he felt something around this man though, a fluttering in his stomach and a tug in his chest, things he had felt when he and Freya were together. He could admit to himself that it scared him, he had never wanted to get close to anyone after that.

" _Mer_ lin- _Mer_ lin! You're not even listening..."

"Sorry, what?" He jerked up and looked at Arthur to see the other roll his eyes and huff an effected sigh, which made a grin spread across his face. He could do this, had already done this with Arthur and if he carried on letting his nerves take over then he probably wouldn't be given a chance to this again, and he definitely wanted to.

"Well sorry if I was boring you, however you did ask."

He quickly cast his mind back trying to think what they had been discussing before his mind had wandered and recalled instantly what it was he wanted to know, "Oh, what you do? Are you going to tell me then?"

"Honestly Merlin, it's not exactly a secret. I'm a sergeant, actually I've been looking into a spate of bank robberies which was why I was in the meeting with you and my father, hopefully the new security measures will be of some help towards not only stopping the crimes but catching those responsible."

Merlin's head was reeling with the information, designing the new security software was one thing but dating the bloody sergeant investigating the case! How had his life become this, why did it all have to be so complicated. For although he knew the system he was currently designing would make it impossible for anyone to gain access to the vaults (apart from those who were granted access anyway) he wasn't anyone, and though he knew he did not need money and really had no reason to rob banks he knew that he couldn't stop.

Where did this new information leave him though, he didn't want to call things of with Arthur but he didn't think he could carry on either, it would be unfair to both of them, and Merlin already had to hide pretty much all that his life was, it was one of the main reasons he didn't have friends, too many secrets that needed to be kept and too many lies would need to be told, it was much easier to just keep to himself.

When their food arrived, he took to it with gusto just so that he didn't need to engage in conversation, his mind still in turmoil, he needed to think. Using his magic he channeled it to his phone, causing the opening of 'Jeremy' to blare loudly.

"Sorry, I need to get this." He said as he stood and headed off to the loos, faking a conversation all the way. Once in the safety and privacy of the toilets he took a deep shaky breath, running his hands through his hair. He stood there for a moment just breathing, trying to calm the whirling of his mind and the pounding of his heart, turning on his heel he made his way back out of the loos and to his table, schooling his features into a sorrowful grimace.

"Sorry about that, but I have to go." He grabbed his coat.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, just... um my friend- er bad break-up, you know. Sorry."

"Okay, well... er see you then."

Merlin felt terrible for causing the hurt shamed flush that had risen to Arthur's face, it was clear that the blonde believed Merlin had pulled the old bad date card which he supposed he had in a way, but it wasn't like he didn't like Arthur and well it would only hurt more in the long run if he tried to make this work between them. He threw a handful of notes on the table, more than enough to cover the bill and flashed Arthur an apologetic smile before dashing for the door.  

It was times like this that he wished he had some-one, anyone, to talk to, but what could he say anyway, he idly wondered whether perhaps that had a criminal anonymous, 'hello, my name's Merlin, and I'm a criminal', he snorted at the thought even if there were such a place he was sure he would be alone in the methods he used telling anyone about his magic would be a very _bad_ thing he already had proof of that.

Thinking back he wondered if perhaps it was possible to go and speak with her, she was pretty much the only person who knew all of him and though she didn't like what or who he was she might at least be prepared to listen and offer some advice.

Highly unlikely though it was, he thought it was at least worth a try.


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually written differently but for some reason it didn't save so had to rewrite the whole thing and couldn't remember it completely so have done my best and hope you enjoy, let me know what you think :)

**3**

 

Merlin lay sprawled on his sofa, soft music playing in the background, and idly played with his mobile. He wanted to text Arthur and apologise but he doubted that Arthur would even want to hear from him after the way he just left before their date had even really begun. Also he still wasn't sure where he was on whether or not he _wanted_ to continue to see Arthur, it was one thing to design software for the banks security system (and in fairness it _would_ be impossible for anyone to get past the system he was designing, well anyone who wasn't him but still) but to date the officer who was working on catching- well _him_  was probably pushing it a bit too far. Although frankly he had no fear of ever being caught anyway since even if he was it would be all too easy for him to escape.

So he wasn't too worried for himself but if he did date Arthur and things got serious what would happen to the blonde if he ever learned the truth of who had been behind the random spate of bank thefts over the last twenty years. With the thoughts of how long it had been that he had been indulging in his addiction also came a crashing wave of shock, had it really been that long? He supposed his age went in his favour then seen as no-one trying to solve a twenty year old case would ever think that a twenty-four year old Cambridge graduate.

He exhaled heavily, eyes flicking around his sumptuous apartment, and felt not for the first time the heavy ache of loneliness and couldn't help the humourless chuckle that escaped at how truly pathetic his life was.

He let his magic flare out, catching the vodka bottle as soon as it was within reach he unscrewed the cap and took a deep pull that burned as it went down leaving a pleasant heat in its wake. He continued drinking and playing games on his mobile, and wasn't aware of how much he had drunk or when he had decided to text Arthur, out of politeness he had after all been _very_ rude... 

 

_To Arthur_

_From Merlin_

_heey sorry about earlier_

_I really hated cutting our_

_date short mybe I can mak_

_it up 2 u ;)_

_sent at 23:43_

 

_To Arthur_

_From Merlin_

_its Merlin wish u were with_

_me am very horny and was_

_very rude of me me 2 leave_

_like tht frgive me? :)_

_sent at 23:47_

 

He peered bleerily at the screen of his phone wondering why it was on the screen for sent messages and shrugged off the niggling discomfort that was prodding at his conscious, instead he reached down to idly stroke along his cock, he had always been a horny drunk. He closed his eyes, remembering Arthur spread out beneath him, the tight heat surrounding his cock and grips it tighter hips bucking into the added friction, biting his lip to hold back a moan. 

He withdraws the subconscious hold that he always has on his magic (asides from when he decides to consciously use it) and feels the tendrils of tingling energy all over his body making everything come into greater clarity, everything is more real to him when he just lets himself be one with his magic, the way he was always meant to be. He continues his erratic thrusts into the tight grip of his fist, nothing but his precome slicking the way, it doesn't matter though that it is rough and dry because his whole being is tingling, his magic helping to make him feel alive in a way that only it can, his balls are tightening up as the magic thrums through him, over him, its toying with him now teasing him towards his release. With a great gasp his body locks up as he spills over his hand, a trickle rolling down the twitching flesh to poll in the coarse dark hair at the base.

Sleepy and sated he sends his magic over his body and around the room, clearing away all the mess. He is going to need a good nights sleep if he is to go to one of the last places he ever thought to go again, right now he isn't sure if it was the mess he'd made with Arthur, or the worry of what was to come tomorrow that caused him to drink so much, though it doesn't matter whichever it was the fact remains that he is almost a whole bottle of vodka down tonight.

As he falls into his bed a short while later a blur of faces pass before his eyes. words all being blended together as they are screamed at him so that all he hears is indistinguishable noise, before the heavy pull of sleep embraces him, he was completely unaware of the tears that soaked into his pillow before sleep took him.

XXXXXXXXXX 

He stood in front of the familiar door, but still couldn't bring himself to knock. He wasn't convinced that this was such a good idea especially with how things had been left between them, swallowing down his nerves he forced himself to knock, keeping his fists clenched in a futile attempt to stop the shaking.

When the door was pulled open his breath caught in his throat, he had been completely unprepared for the effect the sight of her would have on him after all this time. He forced down the sob that was clawing it's way up his throat.

"Freya." He choked out, she was just as beautiful as he remembered, the light from behind catching the soft curls of her dark hair and painting them a coppery brown. It looked as soft as he knew it was, and her big brown eyes expressed pain and confusion before she seemed to collect herself and started to shut the door in his face.

"Freya, please, I just want to talk, please."

"We don't have anything to talk about Merlin, and we haven't for a long time now leave and I won't have to phone the police."

"Freya... please?" It was too hard to keep his tears held back and he felt the first one break free to run down his face, he scrubbed them away with an impatient fist. He should have guessed how this would go and couldn't believe that even after all this time, her disregard for him still broke his heart.

"What do you want Merlin? Stop time perhaps so you can steal the crown jewels? Or maybe you have another ill thought out romantic gesture..."

"I just- I..." He slumped in on himself, he never should have come here, hell even going to see his mother wouldn't have been as painful as this, but the bitter ache of baring his whole self, the childish view of a happy ever after with the one he loved, to be rejected and have his heart torn from him had left scars that he thought had healed only now did he realise that they were bleeding afresh.

"Merlin, you can't be here. I meant it when I said I didn't want to see you again."

He nodded to himself as Freya shut the door, fresh tears forming tracks down his cheeks unheeded to drip from his chin to the worn carpet below his feet.

~~flashback~~

_He had it all planned out and though he was a little nervous he wasn't actually worried, he and Freya had been together for a long time and he knew with all that he was that he loved her, it was time that she knew all of who he is._

_He idly ran his fingers over the soft little velvet box nestled in his pocket and couldn't keep the smile off his face, tonight was going to be perfect._

_When he arrived at Freya's flat he was positively giddy with excitement and nerves, adrenaline and magic rushing through his body making him light-headed. He sat on the sofa next to her, legs jiggling and grasped her hand in his, he placed a soft kiss to her knuckles then looked up meeting her eyes._

_"Merlin, are you going to tell me what's put you in such a good mood, or do I have to guess?"_

_"No, I'll tell you but first close your eyes...and trust me." He felt the magic swirling around them both and kept a tight hold on Freya's hand. When the magic bled away, retreating back into himself, he was pleased to find it had worked and the pair now stood at the viewing platform on the Eiffel tower._

_Freya's eyes were wide with fear and he pulled her close, "I have magic, Freya, I was born with it and together we can do anything, we can go anywhere you want. Whatever you want, I'm yours." He took her hand again and went down on one knee, "I love you so much, Freya, and I couldn't wish for anyone else with whom to share my life... so, will you do me the honour of marrying me?"_

_Freya was silent, watching him with an unreadable expression on her face, tugging her hand free._

_"Take me home, now!"_

_"Wh- Freya, what's wrong?"_

_"'What's wrong?' Really, you don't think any of this is wrong? You- you're... robbing banks, okay fine, I didn't really believe you but now, I don't even know what you are! Now take me home!"_

_He was unable to hold back the tears that overwhelmed him, he didn't understand what was happening or why. In all his planning he had not foreseen something like this and he wished not for the first time that his magic could be used to turn back time, for though he had the power to stop time completely his every attempt to try and move to a certain point in time had proved fruitless._

_He gently took hold of Freya's hand, not meeting her eyes afraid of the disgust he would see shining back at him, and let the magic entwine around them he closed his eyes and when he reopened them they were back in the flat they had so recently left, before all his hopes and his heart had been crushed._

_"You can leave now- I won't tell anyone, but... I don't want to see you again." He caught the way Freya's breath hitched on a sob and knew that she did not wish for him to see her cry, especially not when it was he who had caused her pain._

_He wished he had heeded his mother's warnings all those times so many years ago to keep his magic secret, to keep it hidden. This was too hard, having to leave the woman he loved, the rejection that her attitude had carved deep into his heart. He didn't bother with the door just used his magic to get him out of there and take him to the only place he felt comforted._

_~~end flashback~~_

Here he was dripping tears outside her shut door wondering if his life must always be destined to be spent alone, he had been rejected by the only two people he had ever loved for who he was, he knew that despite his mothers assurances that she still loved him she had not been sorry to see him go even though he was a mere minor. His emotions were all over the place and almost before he had made a conscious decision he had let his magic take over, taking him back to the comfort he had escaped to nearly three years ago.

There was nothing special about this particular bank vault, it was the same as all the others, only it was special for this was the place he had come the first time after that ill advised 'magical' proposal. He curled up in a ball on his side, letting the pain and sorrow take over, content in the knowledge that his magic would have stopped time until he felt ready to face the world again.

He usually made sure to never return to banks he had already 'visited' and wondered at what it said about him as a person when his idea of comfort was sobbing his heart out in a bank vault of all places, he was aware that most people (normal people) usually dealt with heartbreak in the company of friends and copious amounts of alcohol, but well he had never had any friends and if he decided that he needed alcohol he could always use his magic to get some without having to move.

There seemed little to no point in him, he had an amazing gift (or curse) which he had to keep locked away, he had no friends, no family not really, and he got his kicks from stealing money. If he died tomorrow would there even be anyone who would mourn his passing?

He saw once again his mothers usually soft face twisted with pain, fear and anger, heard her voice yelling at him- telling him to leave. His mothers face morphed into Freya's and once again usually soft features were now distorted with disgust and fear a voice yelling at him to leave.

His sobs eventually broke off into the deep even breaths of an exhausted sleep.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken sooo long got a little carried away with other stuff erm but yeah will try n update regularly (though no promises) hope you enjoy :)

 

**4**

 

He awoke with his head throbbing slightly and his whole body aching. Sitting up and looking around he discovered that he had been sleeping on the floor of the bank vault, well that explained why his body was protesting so much. His face felt odd and tight where his tears had tracked and he figured the headache was probably due to maintaining his magical hold on time whilst he slept. God, how long had he slept for? How long had he been sat in here while the world outside was on pause?

Pulling his phone from his pocket he glanced at the clock, not that it would tell him how long he had been here but it would at least show what time it had been when he arrived, swiping his thumb across the screen to light it up he noticed he had a text and it was apparently 13:37. 

He opened up the message surprised to discover it was from Arthur.

 

_To Merlin_

_From Arthur_

_I admit that I thought_ _you were no longer_

_interested after our date_ _if you do wish to make it up_

_to me I am off work_ _Monday night, if you want_

_to get together let me_ _know._

_sent at 00:25_

 

He sucked in a deep breath, did he want to get together with Arthur? The answer to that was both yes and no. Still he had a little time to think on it before Monday. He stood up and stretched feeling the satisfying pop as his bones realigned and straightened out. He looked once more around the vault before shoving stacks of bound notes into the inner pockets of his jacket, it was not much since he didn't have his rucksack with him and well he hadn't planned on breaking into a vault today but now he was here it seemed pointless to not leave with something.

A last glance around to ensure that he hadn't unintentionally left anything and with his eyes flaring gold he transported back to his flat, letting go of his hold on time as soon as he opened his eyes. He collapsed onto his sofa, strangely exhausted despite the time he had spent sleeping and buried his face into the sofa cushions, exhaling a heavy breath.

Could he ever really have any kind of normal life, he knew from experience he could not tell anyone of his magic but did that really mean that he had to be alone? His head was dizzy with questions he was sure he'd never find an answer to as he drifted once more into the welcoming embrace of sleep.

XXXXXX

"Ah Mr Emrys, is the software system ready?" Uther Pendragon barely glanced up from his computer, not that this bothered him in the slightest it was much preferable to having the man's undivided attention.

"Yes Sir. We completed the trial runs this morning, there isn't anyone who should be able to get around it and it should be simple enough for other's to use. The team I was working with all know how to install and update, and they should be competent enough with their work that they can instruct other's on the use of it."

"Good, excellent. Well it seems you are done here for now then, although Mr Emrys..." Merlin turned back around to face the man, "If you could possibly call my son back that would be most welcome, I'm getting rather tired of his morose expression."

"Oh, ah, sorry." Uther waved him away and after exhaling shakily he quickly fled Uther's office. 

He had felt bad all week about not getting back to Arthur, but he had been so busy wallowing in his own bleak pit of self pity that he hadn't spared a thought as to what Arthur would be feeling. How could someone like Arthur really be upset by Merlin, Arthur was good looking and sociable, and okay he had a job with difficult hours but Merlin would still bet all the cash he had that Arthur would never have a problem finding a willing date.

He could picture clearly in his mind how Arthur had looked after Merlin had told him he had to bail on his date but he was sure that he had done the right thing, yes of course he had... it would never work, and Arthur honestly was better off without him.

It's not even lunchtime yet but as Uther quite rightly said Merlin is indeed done and he doesn't see much of a point of hanging around any longer, so pushes his way out of the heavy glass door into the sunlit streets of London.

He pays very little attention to where he's actually going, all he knows is he doesn't feel like going home and sitting on his own, he does enough of that in the evening's and it never leads to very pleasant thought's. He's been feeling so bad this past week that he has several times considered going to rob a few local branches just so he can feel something, even if it is a short lived adrenalin rush.

The towering office blocks and glass fronted stores have given way to slightly rundown housing estates and boarded up blocks of flats, and the afternoon sun has started to shift into it's descent, casting gloomy shadows over what where already gloomy buildings. He can hear some kids somewhere nearby shouting and laughing, and sees a few youth's hanging around one of the abandoned flat blocks, and briefly considers that if he didn't have his magic he would be feeling decidedly more nervous especially since he has no idea of his current whereabouts.

When he hears the first loud bang like an explosion he is for a minute confused, but looking around he notices the gang of youths shouting, some running others pulling out weapons of their own, and the dark car, where a couple of guy's with their faces hidden are leaning out the window firing shots into the group, idling on the other side of the road.

If anyone knew the truth and asked him later he still wouldn't know his own reasons for what he did, he doesn't even slow time really, just runs over yelling, he can already see that there's at least one kid down on the floor with blood pooling under him. By the time his mind catches up to his actions it's too late to heed the screaming advice that it is really not a good idea to run into the middle of two different groups who are both firing weapons.

He feels something sharp and hot across his arm, there's a loud chorus of bangs and pain flares all over his body as it's carried forward by his momentum before his knees give way and he crashes painfully onto the road. He dimly registers the screech of tires and loud wailing, screams, shouts and then he's fighting to stay awake, to stay conscious, knowing it's no good... and why the hell.. did he... think...

Darkness claims him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's such a short chapter but wanted to leave it here and realise you're probably all screaming at me but um sorry, anyway don't worry next chapter will be longer and will have Arthur return so... forgive me? ;)


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied.... not going to tell you about what though but please read and enjoy... let me know what you think :)

 

**5**

 

The beeping was sending little pulses of pain streaming through his head and he groaned, without opening his eyes he attempted to lift his arm hoping to turn the damn thing off, it was far too early to be awake and why had he even set it anyway he had no jobs on now he had finished his work for Uther, but found his arm was feeling heavy and disconnected. _What the hell?_ He finally pried his eyes open, immediately regretting it when the bright lights assaulted his eyes causing his already sore head to pound and his stomach to clench uncomfortably. He quickly shut his eyes concentrating on that annoying beep that echoed in his head and twitched his fingers, feeling course blankets and smooth sheets, not at all like his bed.

_What happened?_ He wondered, he didn't remember going out drinking although he had found himself a few times in an unfamiliar bed with no memory of the night before so this wasn't exactly something to be concerned with... except for that beeping, it was mostly a steady rhythm but every once in a while there would be a slight irregularity to it, much like the pounding in his head that echoed along to his heartbeat.

_Oh_ , he cracked his eyes open to slits and took a quick glance around before slamming them shut so the light wouldn't cause him to vomit. A hospital room then, he had never before been in the hospital, his magic aiding him to heal whenever he had hurt himself, but he could guess well enough by the machines surrounding him and the plastic tubes all over the place.

His mind was foggy and his mouth dry and he was just wondering about getting a drink was his sluggishly slow mind realised what he had just discovered. _Oh no_ , _no_ , he had to get out now, before some-one could come and check on him, there would be no way for him to explain anything. He had no real memory of what had happened to land him here, just a vague feeling of burning pain accompanied by bangs and shouts, but he knew whatever it was must have been slightly serious what with all the machines so how in the hell would he explain that other than a headache he was completely fine.

Well he wouldn't obviously, he had to leave now. Sitting himself up and opening his eyes he was pleased when the bright lights caused no more than a mild throb to his head and quickly looked down at himself. There was a large gauze spread across the left of his ribs and a number of wired sticky patches,  _what the hell are they?_ he pulled them off and immediately the machine to his right let out a continuous never ending beep that made him want to rip his ears off at the noise. He had just started to pull the plastic tubing from his arm when a host of people came rushing and shouting through the door, wheeling a machine along with them, only for them to stop in shock upon seeing him sat up and the IV tube leaking onto the floor.

There followed a short whispered conversation between the medical staff that clearly he wasn't supposed to be privy to, however using his magic he discovered that he had suffered two bullet wounds and a minor graze from another bullet and that it really shouldn't be possible for him to be sitting up in bed looking as though he had merely awoken from a nap, and also because his life was a major cosmic joke, he heard the doctor ask the nurse to inform the detective's waiting outside that he was awake. _Great, a chat with the police, absolutely perfect_.

_Was it really too much to ask for things to just for once be simple?_

The doctor approached him, a curious gleam in the mans eyes as he looked him over. "I just need to check on your injuries and reinsert the intravenous drip, to help with any pain you may be feeling. You had quite a lucky escape."

"Oh, ah there's no need really I'm fine, actually I think I'll um just be on my way... um I'm sure you're very busy." He shifted slightly throwing the blankets to one side and trying to slide out of the bed on the opposite side to the doctor, only to find his eyes drawn to the doorway as it opened.

His blue eyes widened in shock as they locked onto the familiar figure that was Arthur Pendragon and he couldn't stop the manic gurgling laughter that left his throat _because of course it was Arthur!_

"Mr Emrys I need you to get back into bed for me so that we may check on your injuries." The doctor tried in a soothing tone and Merlin looked away from Arthur to look at the doctor feeling another urge to laugh, "I can assure you your injuries were quite severe and..." The doctor trailed off as more laughter bubbled up.

He was bent almost double now gasping between giggles when he felt a strong hand around his arm gently lowering him back to the bed. He looked up into Arthur's blue eyes clearly seeing the worry within there depths, he blames Arthur entirely for not noticing sooner that the doctor had started to carefully remove the biggest gauze, the one decorating his ribs, and he pulls back so forcefully that he nearly topples from the bed as he sends Arthur staggering back a pace.

"NO!" He quickly leaps up only to find Arthur once again gripping his arm this time a little less lightly, "Let me go!" He yells as he twists trying to break the grip. _Oh god_ he cannot let all these people know what a... a _freak_ he really is, and he's tugging his arm back like a madman his magic bubbling under the surface feeding off his panic... and he just needs to _get out!_

XXXXXXXXXX

He drops to his knees, sobs wracking his body, as he realises he has just inadvertently made the biggest mistake of his life. He buries his head in his hands, fingers curling to pull at his hair, as he lets forth a yell of utter despair. 

He's such an _idiot_!

And now Arthur will know... who... _what_...Merlin is.

A sharp gasp registers in his ears and he swings his head around looking for the source... _yep complete and utter_ **fucking** _idiot!_

The woman is gone before he can react, the heavy metal door shutting with a muted thump. He had not even thought about where he was but he guesses it makes sense that his magic would always take him to where he feels safest and though he has been seen he isn't too worried, he can easily get out, the question is - is it worth it?

How many years of running? Of feeling alone? Of being alone?

He was tired of it.

Blue eyes flash hatred in his minds eye and he gulps down the sob waiting to break free. 

He gathers his magic with only one thought in his mind... _Home_.

XXXXXXXXXX

After finding himself looking up at a hauntingly familiar house he decides that his magic is definitely unreliable, for this has not been his home for the past fourteen years. He gazes up at the dark windows figuring even if it is still his mothers address there is nobody in at the moment and it's as good a place as any to get out of this stupid hospital gown.

He walks up to the front door glancing around furtively to ensure he's not being watched and easily opens the door, once inside he can't help but look around at the once familiar hallway though it has been decorated since he was last here. He walks further into the house peering around the doorway into the living room, a large black and white picture above the fireplace catches his eye and his feet are carrying him over to it before he's even registered what he's looking at. 

_Mother_ , he reaches a trembling finger out following the curve of his mother's smile, he hardly even remembers her smile it was so rare that he ever saw it, but here in this picture where his mothers laughter reflects in her eyes smiling for all the world to see he can honestly say that he regrets that fact deep in his heart. 

His eyes travel to the next person in the picture, an older man who would be unremarkable but for the broad smile and kind eyes, he wonders who this man is that brings his mother such joy and feels the faint stirring of jealousy.

The jealousy heightens when he comes to the last person in the picture, with his fathers kind eyes and his mothers sweet smile, if he had to guess he would say this boy... _his brother_ , and god does that thought sit uncomfortably in his stomach, this boy is at least eleven years old and did his mother ever _once_ even miss _him_ at all? 

Tears are silently tracking down his face and he shakily wipes them away taking a last long look at the picture as a whole - a family... a happy one. He's glad his mother is happy and that she at least has found people to love and love her in return, still it's hard to see and not feel his heart break.

He makes his way into the kitchen, running the cold tap and splashing his face before shakily filling a glass from the drainer and emptying it in one deep gulp, he places the glass back on the side and morbid curiosity has him making his way up the stairs towards his old room.

Pushing the door open he is not surprised to see that it is now completely different, with posters of the latest pop bands on the wall and a notice board pinned with a hundred different photo's, well okay not really that many but to Merlin it may as well be, when he was younger and living here he had not had any friends always keeping people at a distance for fear of his mothers words. But this son, this _better_ son, he has lots of friends, pictures of them bowling or at the beach or just messing around here in this very room that used to be his.

He sits on the floor, this is not his home, and this is not his family. He wonders if his _brother_ and _step-father?_ are even aware of his existence, somehow he doubts it, it seems much more likely that once he had gone his mother had taken the chance to have the life she always wanted without all the dirty little secrets that would get in her way. There is nothing for him here.

Still he doesn't move, only briefly to vomit in the bathroom and use his magic to change his clothes and bring him his mobile because though he doesn't have anyone to turn to the pretence at least makes him feel better as he grips it in a white knuckled hand.

He's jolted out of his dark thoughts by the mobile in his hand ringing and the pit of despair grows when he sees Arthur's name flashing on the screen, still he at least owes the man an explanation.

"Hello Arthur," He says tonelessly.

_'Merlin, do you perhaps care to explain what the Hell that was?'_

_Huh, he sounds really pissed_ , "Magic Arthur, I have Magic."

There's a long silence which he doesn't even bother trying to break, it's actually quite comforting he feels less alone just listening to Arthur's breaths through the phone.

_'Riight, Magic's not...'_  Real Merlin's mind supplies. _'it doesn't...'_ Exist? but he can hear the uncertainty in Arthur's voice, how else can a person just vanish.

"How did you know I had my phone, it was left at the hospital?"

_'It disappeared- kind of like you did. So are you going to tell me what the hell's going on? Where are you?'_

"At my mother's house." He chokes out between a sob and a laugh, "Are you going to arrest me?"

_'What? For disappearing, I think I need a better reason than that_  Mer _lin... say for instance bank robberies?'_

He laughs again, can't help it, even though nothing about his life is even remotely funny at the moment. "You know I'll be gone in an instant if you try to arrest me right?"

There's something on the other side of the phone, a click or a pulse, something that has his magic flaring and making him suddenly angry.

"Are you recording this?" He demands just as his magic latches on to the truth, "No. I'll be gone by the time you get here." He promises and with that he hangs up casts glowing gold eyes on his mobile and watches in satisfaction as it disintegrates in his palm. A trace, a bloody trace, why? he had told him where he was and part of him is so disappointed because part of him wanted Arthur to be different, wanted him to understand and not hate him for what he is. Although he always knew it could never work.

He stands on shaky legs, his erratic breathing the only sound he can hear, his thoughts blocking out all noise along with his fists as he beats uselessly against the wall trying to get all the pain and anger out.

"...liam love is that you... William?"

The door swings open, he doesn't notice too busy growling and hitting out so he doesn't see his mother's face as her eyes land on him... or hear the brokenly whispered...

"Merlin?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise in the hospital there would have been other things he was hooked up to but no-one needs to read about the pain and mess of him pulling out a catheter so let's just leave it at that shall we ;)
> 
> I promise next chapter there will be Arthur, I really am sorry (stories have a way of running off on their own so I blame the story gremlins not myself)


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chase is on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, probably won't be another update til after the festive season mainly cos I spend too much time reading but also because I plan on spending at least 90% of the time drunk ;) so enjoy... and happy hols!

 

 

With one last weak blow to the wall he falls to his knees, beyond exhausted. How long will it take for the police to get here? he wonders, and nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a hand alight on his shoulder.  _No! They can't possibly be here already._ He turns and his eyes lock onto a pair that are a mirror of his own.

"Mother..." He murmurs, hardly daring to breathe sure that this is a dream or hallucination, that it can't possibly be real. It has been so long since he last saw her and once again she has tears falling down her cheeks as they both continue to stare into the others eyes for so long he idly wonders whether he has paused time just so that he can gaze upon her.

"What are you doing here Merlin?" His mother finally asks letting her hand fall from his shoulder and he instantly misses the warmth of it, the closeness. His mother has turned her back to him and he realises that it seems to physically pain her to even look at him. He feels like a young boy all over again but he doesn't have time for this, knows from experience that he cannot pause time for anyone but himself which would be useless to him in this situation. Instead he rises shakily to his feet, lifting his hand towards his mothers arm before dropping it quickly back to his side, and sighs shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," He croaks out, clearing his dry throat before continuing, "I have to go, I shouldn't have come here." He looks down to the floor, not wishing to once again see the disappointment in his mother's eyes, before his own flash gold and he is gone in an instant, missing the haunted look his mother turns on him, on where he _was_.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

He's so tired he can't even appreciate the view, and his mind so muddled with thoughts of the past that he wonders why his magic seems to want to punish him with all his failures this evening. _Why here of all places?_ Although he kind of thinks he may know the answer to that already.

It sounds stupid even to himself, he knows that right now he's emotional and vulnerable, but he kind of wishes Arthur were here. Right now he'd like nothing better than having someone with him, someone who he could just tell everything too, and though he knows it's not possible he really wants  _needs_ someone to hold him and tell him it's alright even if it were a lie.

Instead he hunches further into his coat in a vain attempt to protect him from the rain that has started up, and lets the tears fall.

 

**Two months later- Paris**

 

He was sitting at the bar staring morosely into his drink, it's the first time he has gone out in the evening for a long time and though he'd had vague hopes of finding a willing partner to loose himself in, even for just a night, he cannot get the image of blue eyes and blonde hair from his mind. A fact that ensures his continued low mood.

"I was beginning to think you'd never be found." The voice jolts him from his thoughts but the strong hand, and his low mood, keep him in his seat.

He turns slightly and surveys the blonde behind, and slightly to the side of, him. Trapping him in, as though he has any inclination to move. He lost the will to fight, to keep running a long time ago, all he hopes now is that perhaps Arthur will at least hear him out.

"Arthur." He lifts his glass in a mocking toast before taking a long drink, hoping to hide the nerves and fear currently thrumming through him. His eyes dart once more around the bar trying to see if he can spot the other officers he just knows are around somewhere. He doesn't know what he expected when he fails, it's not as though they would be advertising who they were.

"So, how long have you been here?" Arthur asks, faux conversationally. 

He takes the opportunity to drain his glass, and wave vaguely to the barman for another, before replying. "Since we last spoke, I suppose. How did you find me anyway?"

"We spoke to your mother, she's worried about you." He can't help the snort of disbelief at those words, Arthur ignores him continuing unconcerned, "And we spoke to Freya, I believe her name is."

Merlin's head shoots up at those words but before he can say anything, what he doesn't know, the barman arrives with his drink and he can't suppress the instant manners that have him asking what Arthur would like. He guesses the incredulous look he receives in response is really not much of a surprise.

He ducks his head turning back to the bar, fumbling a little for his wallet. Will Arthur even let him finish his drink?  _Right, really not important right now,_ _Merlin_.

He takes a tentative sip, expecting at any moment for it to be taken from him, and then a longer one when Arthur makes no move. He could almost kid himself into believing nothing had happened, that this was just another date between the two, if it weren't for that iron grip on his shoulder.

"I'll talk to  _you_ , Arthur, but that's it, and only because you deserve an explanation." Arthur nods to let him know he's listening and Merlin shakes his head, "Not here, if we went to the bathroom would we be followed?"

"Only as far as the door." Arthur gives a little shake to his shoulder, waiting until he is standing and then he has Arthur's strong arm wrapped securely round his waist.

The alcohol, or Arthur's sheer presence, seems to be muddling his mind because he has the strongest desire to laugh. He probably would if he didn't feel like this might finally be his chance for redemption, a chance to finally unburden himself from all that is crushing him.

As soon as they are locked inside a toilet cubicle his eyes light gold and the world alters around them. Instead of dirty graffiti'd walls and the muted bass thump of music they are surrounded by trees and a peaceful silence.  _Perfect._

 

He smiles slightly as Arthur looks around in shock before the man's hand lets go as though burned. He closes his eyes taking a deep breath, seemingly enjoying the fresh evening air, but under his closed lids his eyes are a brilliant gold as his magic runs its course over Arthur's being, destroying all the devices hidden away.

_Did they really believe he was that stupid?_ He flops gracelessly onto the soft earth, years of decaying foliage creating a soft springy carpet, and takes another deep breath, this one to help him gather his thoughts.

"What did my mother tell you?"

"Honestly? Nothing, by the time we arrived at her home she was in a slight state of shock, crying and just repeating your name, once she had calmed she refused to answer anything only stating that she hadn't seen you for many years."

He hmm'd in reply to busy wondering what his mother's actions meant,  _does it mean she still loves me? Why else would she try and protect me, or was she merely protecting herself?_

His thoughts shifted, "How did you know it was me?" Upon spotting the blank look on Arthur's face he clarified, "The banks?"

"Oh, well shortly after your vanishing act from the hospital we received a call, a woman working at one of the banks was in the vault when suddenly a man in a hospital gown, matching your description, had just appeared. It really wasn't hard to work it out after that."

He hmm'd again after that he supposed it should have been obvious and just sat content to let the silence surround them in its embrace. Not wanting to ask the only other question on his mind.  _What had Freya told them? What had she said about him? How had they even found out_ _about her anyway?_

Arthur had other ideas though, "You said you'd talk, so talk."

And Merlin had. 

He talked about the first time and a lonely childhood spent filled with self-hatred, about how it had grown into an addiction, something just for him a chance to escape, to be filled with something other than loneliness and loathing. 

About his mother and what happened between them when he was still just a boy, really.

About the years of isolation and then the joy that was Freya. Talked about Freya and what had happened.

Talked for so long that when he was done weak morning sunlight could just be spied through the canopy of trees.

When he was done, he didn't dare to look at Arthur, past experience spiking fear all through him, the silence dragging on into eternity.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update...I have no excuse other than sheer laziness and hibernation over the cold weather.  
> Anyway this is the last chapter (more a short epilogue than anything) *sniffle* hope you enjoy/enjoyed :)  
> Thanks for reading and feel free to leave comments...

 

Epilogue

 

He breathed in deeply, eyes closed for the moment, just relishing in the simple joy of being, feeling his magic tingling under his skin as his breaths came in short. He opened his eyes, looking around at the familiar scenery.

He took a few steps forward, arm raising and fingers gently brushing.

He exhaled a shaky breath.

He was a fool to think he would ever have been able to give this up, it was more than just an addiction, he could admit that now, it was home, comfort, security. It was pleasure, it was simple. 

It was _him_... all he'd ever known, and it did not judge.

The feel of crisp paper under his fingers sent a shiver through him, it really should have been obvious that he would end up here, especially given that he had lost all he had before, though it wasn't anything that truly mattered... his home, his identity, his fortune, still it was all he had.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in, fingers still stroking over a stack of bound notes, his breath catching as he considered the amount of money locked away here.

Another shaky exhale, deep breath in.

Glowing gold eyes precursed his usual disappearing act.

 

Home.

A few more shaky breaths as the adrenaline rush faded and instead he was left feeling... 

Euphoric.

A bubble of happy laughter burst from his mouth until he was bent almost double, arms holding his stomach, as he gasped for breath.

He had done it!

"What on earth are you laughing about _Mer_ lin?"

That voice had much the same effect as if he'd been doused with a bucket of ice and he quickly straightened, eyes wide to lock onto the blue eyes of the man before him, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Arthur?"

"Are you going to tell me, or am I supposed to guess..."

"Ah, um, well I..." He swallowed again, casting his eyes down, looking very much like a small boy being scolded.

"How much, Merlin?"

He cringed at the harsh tone, but still a small smile fought its way onto his face, so that by the time he raised his head again he was wearing a broad grin that even a cheshire cat would be proud of.

"None. Absolutely nothing!" His smile widening as he took in the hopeful look on Arthur's face.

The blonde opposite him huffed slightly before commanding, "Come here." Pointing to the flooring in front of him.

Merlin happily stepped into Arthur's personal space, holding his arms away from his body as the other man started to frisk him.

"Really Arthur, admit it, you just wanted an excuse to feel me up." He grinned, his smile slipping slightly as large hands slipped into his back pocket, kneading the globes of his arse, and feeling a stirring of desire low in his gut.

"I don't need an excuse Merlin," Arthur whispered into his ear before gently biting down on the lobe, causing him to shiver pleasantly.

He brought his own arms up to wrap around Arthur's neck as the blonde continued his attack on his ears and neck.

He slid his hands down to rest on Arthur's hips and brought their foreheads together so he could look in the others eyes.

"Thank you." He said softly, knowing he didn't need to say what for the sparkle in Arthur's eyes saying he understood.

Arthur kissed him gently, pulling back before either of them could deepen it. Strong callused hands held his face, rough skin sweeping softly across his cheeks.

"I'm proud of you." Arthur stated, again it didn't need expanding on, and Merlin felt tears form. Swallowing heavily, he nodded his understanding.

It hadn't been easy, and it never would be, but for now he had someone who was not only prepared to help him but also stand by him when he did mess up and that was worth more than all the money in any and all banks.


End file.
